Pride is a funny thing. I will spare you Webster's definition, mostly because I think if you have a strong sense of it, then you already know what I'm talking about. I have a hard time swallowing my pride and when I feel my sense of pride is being threatened, I tend to get very defensive...and I cry.
Today I had to go into the Department of Health Services and apply for medical assistance and...>>>swallow<<<...food stamps. I could have had my husband go do it. I could have lugged all three of my kids in there with me as a ploy to attract a sympathetic case worker. I chose to go alone. My thought was it would make the trip quicker and the less time I had to sit in an office where everyone around me knows why I am there then the better for my pride.
I had to wait for about 20 minutes before I could be seen, even though there wasn't anyone else waiting when I got there. By the time the case worker called my name there were maybe 7 or 8 people waiting. As I expected, the case worker was all business. No friendly smile, no sympathy for the situation my family is in, not even a "How 'bout them Bears?!". She went through the application, took my information-all without ever making eye contact with me. She then asked, what I assume is a standard question asked to all applicants, "Do you need family planning assistance, ie-birth control?" I responded that no, I did not. She then, for the first time during the interview, looked up from her computer, looked me in the eye and said, "Ya sure?"
After I decked her in the nose...I mean, after I cleared my throat, I said, "No, my husband and I both took measures to ensure we wouldn't be having more children after our third child was born with a heart condition." And you will not believe the response I received after that.Without missing a beat and without breaking eye contact she says, "Who's paying for that?"
I was so angry, I was speechless. The latter of those two doesn't happen too often. I took a breath, smiled and said, "He's currently healthy". We finished the interview and she continued her rudeness- though from then on it was really just her demeanor, meaning she stuck to the questions on the application and kept her eyes on the computer. She informed me I had 24 hours to turn in the required documentation to the office and that she "simply wouldn't be able to get to" my case until Thursday at the earliest. I thanked her, smiled and left.
I got as far as the parking lot before the tears poured from my eyes.
Like I said, pride is a funny thing. If it weren't for the 3 precious babies that give me a reason to smile each and everyday, I never would have been able to walk in that office and would have rather gone hungry. Fave Cousin wanted to call the office and raise hell. I probably should have let her, though I doubt it would make any difference. My mom tells me I deserve the benefits of a system she, my dad and my husband and I have spent years paying into. That it was a system started to help people in my situation-out of work and just trying to scrape by. That the reason it is so corrupted is the outrageous number of people that have abused and manipulated it. She told me to hold my head high. Of course that is easier said than done sometimes.
I don't want anything more than to provide basic needs for my family. I'm not sure why God has given me some of the struggles He has. All I know is it is up to me how I react to them. If that means swallowing my pride, holding my head high and walking into the public aid office so my kids can have food and medical coverage, then that's what I'll do. Even if I have to cry in the parking lot later.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Annoyed and somewhat philosophical...all at once...
So, this blog has no sense of direction. I'm ok with that because I don't know where I'm going. There are a few things I do know, though. Here's my list. And, I will say in advance to Fave Cousin and JMK, I love you both. Ya'll are just crazier than me!
Football may just be the dumbest sport in the world. Really. But I know this-the Bears rock. The Packers, Vikes and Patriots are NEVER to be rooted for. Bear down!
Never love something that is replaceable. If you do, than you never loved it anyway. So stop frontin'.
Tom Brady is fat. And probably blind.
Glen Beck is NOT the devil. And in my experience, the people I hear spewing bogus comments about him, have never actually taken the time to WATCH a show, LISTEN to a show and HEAR what he's saying. So don't form an opinion until you can honestly state the FACTS of both sides. And with that said, I don't care which side holds the house, so long as Pelosi is kicked to the curb. The woman "smiles" all the time. That much plastic surgery requires artificial tears, which is why she doesn't cry. FACT.
Eating 4 cream cheese stuffed jalepeno peppers all by yourself will light your ass on fire. I'm not being crude, its simply the truth.
God loves you no matter what you do. And it doesn't matter WHAT you do, it matters WHO you are. So all these people that are worried about attaining enough "points" to go to heaven need to slow their roll and take stock in WHO they are. I think they will find they've spent too much time worrying about the WHAT and not enough time worrying about the WHO.
Take care of your siblings. They are the only ones you have. And while you may have chosen different ones, given the option, these are the ones God gave you. So let them make poor choices. Let them think they are smarter than they are. After all, you didn't learn everything you know by taking the route someone else planned for you, did you?
Espresso is delicious. It MAY be the devil's heroin. But it is a necessity of life. Don't deprive me. I get cranky.
There is no way to simply root for Chicago baseball. PICK. A. TEAM. Us real fans do NOT take lightly to your fair-weather tendencies and we do NOT find it cute. (By the way, I bleed blue and no, I don't have much acceptance for anyone that does not!)
Kids grow up too quickly. LIFE goes by to quickly. One day you are 13 years old, playing basketball on the town traveling team and you think THAT will be your life. The next day you have a newborn baby and 5 minutes go by and you have 3! One day you find yourself watching your dad, who was strong as an ox, leave the life he so often seemed afraid to LIVE and go to a place where he will really LIVE forever.
So, I guess my point may be this: Learn to let things go. Love without reservations. Find God, if you haven't. Love Him, if you don't. Find a way to cherish the life you have, even if it isn't what you ever thought it would be. You are here for a reason. Be who you are and spend less time being who you think others want you to be. In the words of a good friend, (kind of), "You never know the legacy you could leave through your children...their children and so on."
Football may just be the dumbest sport in the world. Really. But I know this-the Bears rock. The Packers, Vikes and Patriots are NEVER to be rooted for. Bear down!
Never love something that is replaceable. If you do, than you never loved it anyway. So stop frontin'.
Tom Brady is fat. And probably blind.
Glen Beck is NOT the devil. And in my experience, the people I hear spewing bogus comments about him, have never actually taken the time to WATCH a show, LISTEN to a show and HEAR what he's saying. So don't form an opinion until you can honestly state the FACTS of both sides. And with that said, I don't care which side holds the house, so long as Pelosi is kicked to the curb. The woman "smiles" all the time. That much plastic surgery requires artificial tears, which is why she doesn't cry. FACT.
Eating 4 cream cheese stuffed jalepeno peppers all by yourself will light your ass on fire. I'm not being crude, its simply the truth.
God loves you no matter what you do. And it doesn't matter WHAT you do, it matters WHO you are. So all these people that are worried about attaining enough "points" to go to heaven need to slow their roll and take stock in WHO they are. I think they will find they've spent too much time worrying about the WHAT and not enough time worrying about the WHO.
Take care of your siblings. They are the only ones you have. And while you may have chosen different ones, given the option, these are the ones God gave you. So let them make poor choices. Let them think they are smarter than they are. After all, you didn't learn everything you know by taking the route someone else planned for you, did you?
Espresso is delicious. It MAY be the devil's heroin. But it is a necessity of life. Don't deprive me. I get cranky.
There is no way to simply root for Chicago baseball. PICK. A. TEAM. Us real fans do NOT take lightly to your fair-weather tendencies and we do NOT find it cute. (By the way, I bleed blue and no, I don't have much acceptance for anyone that does not!)
Kids grow up too quickly. LIFE goes by to quickly. One day you are 13 years old, playing basketball on the town traveling team and you think THAT will be your life. The next day you have a newborn baby and 5 minutes go by and you have 3! One day you find yourself watching your dad, who was strong as an ox, leave the life he so often seemed afraid to LIVE and go to a place where he will really LIVE forever.
So, I guess my point may be this: Learn to let things go. Love without reservations. Find God, if you haven't. Love Him, if you don't. Find a way to cherish the life you have, even if it isn't what you ever thought it would be. You are here for a reason. Be who you are and spend less time being who you think others want you to be. In the words of a good friend, (kind of), "You never know the legacy you could leave through your children...their children and so on."
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Stuck In A Rut...
I am stuck in a rut. This happens to me this time of year. My dad use to tell me to pop it into 4x4 and climb the hell out. So it doesn't surprise me when this is the advice I get from all my 4x4 enthusiast friends. I remind them, gone are my days of muddin'. I traded the Jeep in for a minivan when I discovered I was expecting my third (and final!) baby.
I don't have ANY energy. I don't sleep well at night, I toss and turn, as soon as I am almost out a kid comes and wakes me up, my husband's snoring wakes me up or the alarm clock goes off and I have to get up anyway. Then if it is a Monday, Wednesday or Friday, 2 of my kids have preschool so we are driving the 45 minutes to and from school. If it is Tuesday or Thursday, then I would normally do housework, play games with the kids, read books with them, color...play outside if it's spring or summer (I hate the cold with a passion and getting me out in the snow, even with my precious babies, takes a miracle). When I am stuck in a rut, the housework sits, my kids get bored and I never change out of my pajamas from the night before.
Then it gets worse. The guilt of leaving my kids to entertain themselves (or worse, leaving the tv in charge) while I wallow in depression only deepens the rut. Then it becomes almost impossible to climb out of. My husband says its ok to have days like this. My mom agrees. I just feel like I have more days 'like this' than should be allowed.
It is the lack of energy that really amazes me. Most days I struggle just to keep my eyes OPEN. Maybe part of it is that I keep my thermostat set at 62 since hubby became unemployed. I think we're all suffering from hypothermia!
I am ready for the spring. Or a vacation to a place with warmth and sunshine. That might just be what it takes to climb the hell outta this one. Since that won't be happening anytime soon, I'm sure I'll kick it. I may just need someone to pull me out this time.
I don't have ANY energy. I don't sleep well at night, I toss and turn, as soon as I am almost out a kid comes and wakes me up, my husband's snoring wakes me up or the alarm clock goes off and I have to get up anyway. Then if it is a Monday, Wednesday or Friday, 2 of my kids have preschool so we are driving the 45 minutes to and from school. If it is Tuesday or Thursday, then I would normally do housework, play games with the kids, read books with them, color...play outside if it's spring or summer (I hate the cold with a passion and getting me out in the snow, even with my precious babies, takes a miracle). When I am stuck in a rut, the housework sits, my kids get bored and I never change out of my pajamas from the night before.
Then it gets worse. The guilt of leaving my kids to entertain themselves (or worse, leaving the tv in charge) while I wallow in depression only deepens the rut. Then it becomes almost impossible to climb out of. My husband says its ok to have days like this. My mom agrees. I just feel like I have more days 'like this' than should be allowed.
It is the lack of energy that really amazes me. Most days I struggle just to keep my eyes OPEN. Maybe part of it is that I keep my thermostat set at 62 since hubby became unemployed. I think we're all suffering from hypothermia!
I am ready for the spring. Or a vacation to a place with warmth and sunshine. That might just be what it takes to climb the hell outta this one. Since that won't be happening anytime soon, I'm sure I'll kick it. I may just need someone to pull me out this time.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Because I love you...
I have never been a strong writer. I say what I'm thinking and rarely filter any of it. I am rash, generally judgmental and I only get dumber as I get older. I have trouble putting my thoughts into strong sentences let alone paragraphs. I started this blog because I was alone with my thoughts all too much. My husband worked 6 days a week, 17 hours a day and often didn't come home at night at all. Recently the business he has worked for the last 6 years closed it's doors due to financial struggles. This leaves him trying to hit the ground running and start the life-long goal of becoming self employed. This also means we are in a very dire financial situation and stuck with many decisions to make.
Do we try to sell our home for what we owe (more than it is worth, for sure) or do we simply default on the loan, which is inevitable even with his unemployment (should the check ever arrive)?
What do we do for insurance for our kids, 2 of which have medical conditions which require monitoring of with ECG's (at least once a year for each)? We would put them on state aid, but will that require them to switch to an in-state hospital? I can't do that...CHW has seen me and my family through 2 kids with heart issues, NICU, 2 surgeries, PICU and all follow up care. CHW is our family and I would go in debt the rest of my life to keep them with the doctors that made life at all possible for them.
What do we do about the strain this puts on our marriage??? Our relationship is one that is built to stand the test of time and trust me, God is taking every opportunity to test us. We have made it through more life struggles in our almost 10 years together than many couples face over the life of their relationship. I think we have grown to the point of knowing each other is in it for the long run, come hell or high water. And we have seen both. What we cannot seem to sort out is a) communication and total honesty. (For me this isn't difficult to do, but for him it appears impossible) and b) my inability to accept his mother for her Schindler's list of character flaws (uh, duh! I have kids she wants to influence!) and his inability to ever see my concerns as genuine due to the fact that his mother and I have our share of history.
I guess we will see what God has in store for us as the next weeks and months unfold. In the meantime I suppose I am left with a lot of time to reflect, pray and contemplate my sanity. Not to mention more sleeplessness than I already deal with as a mother of 3 young kids and husband whose snore could challenge the rumbles of Mt. Vesuvius.
Do we try to sell our home for what we owe (more than it is worth, for sure) or do we simply default on the loan, which is inevitable even with his unemployment (should the check ever arrive)?
What do we do for insurance for our kids, 2 of which have medical conditions which require monitoring of with ECG's (at least once a year for each)? We would put them on state aid, but will that require them to switch to an in-state hospital? I can't do that...CHW has seen me and my family through 2 kids with heart issues, NICU, 2 surgeries, PICU and all follow up care. CHW is our family and I would go in debt the rest of my life to keep them with the doctors that made life at all possible for them.
What do we do about the strain this puts on our marriage??? Our relationship is one that is built to stand the test of time and trust me, God is taking every opportunity to test us. We have made it through more life struggles in our almost 10 years together than many couples face over the life of their relationship. I think we have grown to the point of knowing each other is in it for the long run, come hell or high water. And we have seen both. What we cannot seem to sort out is a) communication and total honesty. (For me this isn't difficult to do, but for him it appears impossible) and b) my inability to accept his mother for her Schindler's list of character flaws (uh, duh! I have kids she wants to influence!) and his inability to ever see my concerns as genuine due to the fact that his mother and I have our share of history.
I guess we will see what God has in store for us as the next weeks and months unfold. In the meantime I suppose I am left with a lot of time to reflect, pray and contemplate my sanity. Not to mention more sleeplessness than I already deal with as a mother of 3 young kids and husband whose snore could challenge the rumbles of Mt. Vesuvius.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sigh...(1st edition)...
So I looked at the calendar today and it appears Christmas is just a few days away (haha, yes, I am ready)...
This time of year brings a lot of things...
I emptied my pockets into a Salvation Army kettle the other day when the bell ringer looked me in the eye and wished me a "Merry Christmas". (I maybe gave him 78 cents because I just don't carry cash).
My kids are so excited for Christmas that they ask me daily questions about Santa. They also ask me questions like, "Who delivers the presents to Papa in heaven, mom?" (Well, DUH, I say Jesus!).
My husband was informed a week ago that the business he has devoted 60 hours a week to for the last 6 years would be closing its doors and he would be losing his job, as well as the medical insurance our 2 of 3 heart kids oh-so-need.
I am not so sure what the next month will bring for us, let alone the next week. I do know my mom would never let my family go hungry or homeless. That is a reassurance.
Despite what the holiday season brings for ME, personally, I find myself wanting to give to others what I don't have to give. I can't pay a lot of the bills I have due this month, that's ok because I know my kids won't go without. What bothers me is that I didn't have the 10 dollars to pay the 12 year old that came to my door last night wanting to shovel my un-groomed driveway. Or that I had to shred the mailers from all the charities I have donated to in the past.
Oh Christmas brings so many emotions for me...
but what it reminds me of most are these: faith in God, hope for the future and charity for those in need.
Faith. Hope. Charity.
I don't know much, but I do know those 3 things are very important.
God bless and Merry Christmas!
This time of year brings a lot of things...
I emptied my pockets into a Salvation Army kettle the other day when the bell ringer looked me in the eye and wished me a "Merry Christmas". (I maybe gave him 78 cents because I just don't carry cash).
My kids are so excited for Christmas that they ask me daily questions about Santa. They also ask me questions like, "Who delivers the presents to Papa in heaven, mom?" (Well, DUH, I say Jesus!).
My husband was informed a week ago that the business he has devoted 60 hours a week to for the last 6 years would be closing its doors and he would be losing his job, as well as the medical insurance our 2 of 3 heart kids oh-so-need.
I am not so sure what the next month will bring for us, let alone the next week. I do know my mom would never let my family go hungry or homeless. That is a reassurance.
Despite what the holiday season brings for ME, personally, I find myself wanting to give to others what I don't have to give. I can't pay a lot of the bills I have due this month, that's ok because I know my kids won't go without. What bothers me is that I didn't have the 10 dollars to pay the 12 year old that came to my door last night wanting to shovel my un-groomed driveway. Or that I had to shred the mailers from all the charities I have donated to in the past.
Oh Christmas brings so many emotions for me...
but what it reminds me of most are these: faith in God, hope for the future and charity for those in need.
Faith. Hope. Charity.
I don't know much, but I do know those 3 things are very important.
God bless and Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tough Questions...
It's been 20 months and 6 days since my dad died. He was 48. I was 24. My kids were 2, 1 and 6 months...
I still have so many...issues? questions? emotions?...about his death and my life without him. My now 4 year old and 3 year old have questions...ask questions...(I have too many thoughts swirling through my head to make this seem an even semi-coherent post, but hang in there. I'm trying).
Tonight at the dinner table with my 3 children, 'R', as we will call him, says to me very matter-of-fact, "Cancer killed Papa, mom."
Yes, R. It did.
"Well, I am scared of cancer. If I get it, I will die...which is bad."
Yes, R. That would be bad. But you don't have to worry. There are many things we can do to prevent cancer. We can be mindful of the food we eat, the medicine we take, the environment we surround our self with...do you know some of the things we eat the most of are at the top of the list of the best anti-oxidants? "What are those, mom?"
Anti-oxidants are things that fight toxins. Blueberries are number one. Broccoli is on the list, too. And did you know you are making your brain and heart healthy right now by eating your dinner? Salmon is sooooo good for you!
"What else can we do, mom?", asked E.
Well, our cousin runs. She runs and runs and runs and do you know what people give her to keep running?
"What mom?!" R asks
Money. And do you know where that money goes? The LLS. And they use it to fund research so that one day when someone is diagnosed with cancer they can go to the doctor and get medicine to make them better.
Our conversation continued on ways we can keep ourselves healthy and ways we can help the cause...but all I really wanted was for the conversation to never have to happen in the first place. I wanted my dad there, eating with us. Telling the kids how great my maple salmon and home made fried rice are. I wanted to hear him laugh when E told me she tooted at school when the teacher was reading during story time. I wanted him to smile when my youngest son, L, said "I wuff you, mom" in the special way he does and I wanted to see him well up when R recited our table prayer all by himself. I just wanted him there. And moments like that, where all I want is for him to be around, happen. Every. Single. Day. I miss him. I miss him all the time.
People like to tell you it gets better. That it hurts less. The pain becomes easier to live with...they all lied. So far, for me, it has yet to get better. I guess I talk about it less, express it outwardly less...but its just as present on the inside as it ever was. It has changed my entire life. I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad no longer is.
For the most part I try and answer the kids questions as best I can. It is quite hard though, at times, since I am really just treading water trying to keep myself from drowning in the 'stuff' I harbor myself. I know shit happens. It happens to everybody and things much worse than this happen all the time to people. I get that. I can't change that. I am just trying to live by the prayer that meant to much to my dad and that I have recited every day since the day of his diagnosis to myself...I just need those three little words these days...serenity. courage. wisdom.
I still have so many...issues? questions? emotions?...about his death and my life without him. My now 4 year old and 3 year old have questions...ask questions...(I have too many thoughts swirling through my head to make this seem an even semi-coherent post, but hang in there. I'm trying).
Tonight at the dinner table with my 3 children, 'R', as we will call him, says to me very matter-of-fact, "Cancer killed Papa, mom."
Yes, R. It did.
"Well, I am scared of cancer. If I get it, I will die...which is bad."
Yes, R. That would be bad. But you don't have to worry. There are many things we can do to prevent cancer. We can be mindful of the food we eat, the medicine we take, the environment we surround our self with...do you know some of the things we eat the most of are at the top of the list of the best anti-oxidants? "What are those, mom?"
Anti-oxidants are things that fight toxins. Blueberries are number one. Broccoli is on the list, too. And did you know you are making your brain and heart healthy right now by eating your dinner? Salmon is sooooo good for you!
"What else can we do, mom?", asked E.
Well, our cousin runs. She runs and runs and runs and do you know what people give her to keep running?
"What mom?!" R asks
Money. And do you know where that money goes? The LLS. And they use it to fund research so that one day when someone is diagnosed with cancer they can go to the doctor and get medicine to make them better.
Our conversation continued on ways we can keep ourselves healthy and ways we can help the cause...but all I really wanted was for the conversation to never have to happen in the first place. I wanted my dad there, eating with us. Telling the kids how great my maple salmon and home made fried rice are. I wanted to hear him laugh when E told me she tooted at school when the teacher was reading during story time. I wanted him to smile when my youngest son, L, said "I wuff you, mom" in the special way he does and I wanted to see him well up when R recited our table prayer all by himself. I just wanted him there. And moments like that, where all I want is for him to be around, happen. Every. Single. Day. I miss him. I miss him all the time.
People like to tell you it gets better. That it hurts less. The pain becomes easier to live with...they all lied. So far, for me, it has yet to get better. I guess I talk about it less, express it outwardly less...but its just as present on the inside as it ever was. It has changed my entire life. I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad no longer is.
For the most part I try and answer the kids questions as best I can. It is quite hard though, at times, since I am really just treading water trying to keep myself from drowning in the 'stuff' I harbor myself. I know shit happens. It happens to everybody and things much worse than this happen all the time to people. I get that. I can't change that. I am just trying to live by the prayer that meant to much to my dad and that I have recited every day since the day of his diagnosis to myself...I just need those three little words these days...serenity. courage. wisdom.
Friday, December 3, 2010
It appears John Lennon's death is at or approaching an anniversary. I don't like the Beatles. Never have...except one song, but that is another topic...anywho...I am 26, I know very little about the Beatles history. My mom graduated high school, my dad too, in 1978. My mom told me tonight about where she was when she heard the news. She was with my dad and aunt at a Pizza Hut in Merrillville, IN...that has nothing to do with me except the news channel I watch the most was playing a special on Lennon, or Lenon...I don't know and I am sorry I don't care enough right now to research the actual spelling of his name. I'm not callous or insensitive, its just that I simply don't know and that isn't what this post is about...
When I was about 9 or 10 years old my dad came in my room to say goodnight and tuck me in. I was on the top bunk of bunkbeds, my sister ont he bottom. He said goodnight to her first, as always and then stood up (he was 6'2") and said goodnight to me. I told him I was out of books to read and that we needed to go to the bookstore soon (yes, there was a library, but one cannot make notations and highlight a library book). He told me he had a book he thought I may like, but he wasn't sure it was appropriate as it was highly controversial, but he believed I was old enough to read and, he believed, understand. So he handed me his original copy of The Catcher in the Rye. And at 9 years old, I read and only half understood the book.
By the time I got to high school and it was a required reading I had read the book many, many times. The copy our class bought had a different cover than the book my dad gave me. I have been told my copy is unique...to be quite honest I am not entirely sure where my copy, from my dad, is. I think it is in an old diaper box in the closet of my almost 5 year old daughter. I hope it is.
The thing that link Lenon (lennon) to this post and my first experience with this book is that the man that murdered the Beatles legend was carrying this Salinger classic (by the way, I remember where I was when I heard Salinger had died). I know this book has often been linked to...well, infamous occurrences...it bothers me that this book means so very much to me and my dad.
Music CAN change the world...so...I love Elvis and I believe you love Elvis or you love the Beatles. I love Elvis...buuuuuut there is this ONE Beatles song and JMK, I have a very vivid memory of coming home from a vacation at Lake Arrowhead with you guys and the Fitz family and you guys and us stopped at what I remember as a BAR with darts and a jukebox and pumped a lot of money into said jukebox and I picked 2 songs, and Elvis hit and a Beatles hit. Teddy Bear was the Elvis song and it played...my Beatles pick did not...and dad waited and waited and waited just so I could hear it and it never came up...here it is...
Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
Hey Jude don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it better
I may not love the Beatles and I may not know anything about them and their history...I am a life long, born and bred Cubs fan. Today we lost a legend, an icon...an exceptional human being. God bless the Lenon family and God bless the Santo family. Baseball on the radio will never be worth listening to for me. Maybe Ron can get to the HOF now...
When I was about 9 or 10 years old my dad came in my room to say goodnight and tuck me in. I was on the top bunk of bunkbeds, my sister ont he bottom. He said goodnight to her first, as always and then stood up (he was 6'2") and said goodnight to me. I told him I was out of books to read and that we needed to go to the bookstore soon (yes, there was a library, but one cannot make notations and highlight a library book). He told me he had a book he thought I may like, but he wasn't sure it was appropriate as it was highly controversial, but he believed I was old enough to read and, he believed, understand. So he handed me his original copy of The Catcher in the Rye. And at 9 years old, I read and only half understood the book.
By the time I got to high school and it was a required reading I had read the book many, many times. The copy our class bought had a different cover than the book my dad gave me. I have been told my copy is unique...to be quite honest I am not entirely sure where my copy, from my dad, is. I think it is in an old diaper box in the closet of my almost 5 year old daughter. I hope it is.
The thing that link Lenon (lennon) to this post and my first experience with this book is that the man that murdered the Beatles legend was carrying this Salinger classic (by the way, I remember where I was when I heard Salinger had died). I know this book has often been linked to...well, infamous occurrences...it bothers me that this book means so very much to me and my dad.
Music CAN change the world...so...I love Elvis and I believe you love Elvis or you love the Beatles. I love Elvis...buuuuuut there is this ONE Beatles song and JMK, I have a very vivid memory of coming home from a vacation at Lake Arrowhead with you guys and the Fitz family and you guys and us stopped at what I remember as a BAR with darts and a jukebox and pumped a lot of money into said jukebox and I picked 2 songs, and Elvis hit and a Beatles hit. Teddy Bear was the Elvis song and it played...my Beatles pick did not...and dad waited and waited and waited just so I could hear it and it never came up...here it is...
Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
Hey Jude don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it better
I may not love the Beatles and I may not know anything about them and their history...I am a life long, born and bred Cubs fan. Today we lost a legend, an icon...an exceptional human being. God bless the Lenon family and God bless the Santo family. Baseball on the radio will never be worth listening to for me. Maybe Ron can get to the HOF now...
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