Rolling in the Deep...

Today would be my 7 year wedding anniversary. Last Friday marked the 1 year anniversary of the day I told my now ex-husband that I wanted a divorce. This whole month has been a whirl wind of emotions for me. It started with my birthday on the 3rd, which is always a difficult day for me since my dad died. Then I got injured at work a week later. Then the boyfriend and I encountered some issues I wasn't sure we were going to recover from. Fortunately, we have much better communication and understanding between us than was ever present in my marriage. I think the lack of those 2 things was a direct factor as to why our marriage ended when it did. I don't want to go on a big emotional Dennis-Miller-style rant about the ways my heart has broken over the crumbling of my marriage to the man I hoped to love forever. I will say this to him because I know he checks my blog, or use to, and may read this.
                        
Remember when I told you after we split up that I never loved you the way I believed people are suppose to love? I know you took that to heart and I know you took it not in the way I intended it. I believe you took that to mean that over 10 years I never loved you at all. I did. With my whole heart. I was full of love and passion for you and for us. I never felt that out of you, though. I feel that when 2 people really love each other, those things need to be forever present and present in such a strong, deeply connected way that at the end of the day, there really is nothing that can tear you apart. We lacked that. We are both too stubborn and too proud. That's on both of us. I'm just the one that chose to accept it for that. It wasn't with a light heart that I moved on. At all. It didn't have the same immediate effect on  me initially following our separation. It's hitting me now and has been since June 19.

So. Knowing all that...here is the only song that has been playing in my head over the last few months.

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*I'd also like to note here to someone that will definitely take notice if he watches the video: Yes, I noticed the ninja and yes, I realize how important the drum part of this song is to driving the emotion behind the lyrics home.*