Foodcation...

So I stole the title of this post from The Blue Zoo because I like it sooooo much! This last weekend I took a Foodcation. Basically a Foodcation is a vacation where you eat and eat and eat, don't count calories and while I had every intention to run throughout my Foodcation, I did not. Here's the silly part-well there are a few very silly parts, but here is one- remember my post I'd Die For Food ? The comment I received was from JMK, 'member her? The wonderful wife of John, whose four member family was basically my second family and home growing up? Anyway-I took my Foodcation to St. Louis to visit her and John. And boy oh boy DID. WE. EAT. We put those competitive eating freaks to shame. It was awesome. Except today when I got on my scale and it read 10lbs higher than it did Friday before I left. 10. Pounds. Higher. EW.

Anyway, by this coming Friday I am thinking that number will be back to normal so I am not going to obsess about it (yeah right. You know me. I'll weigh myself 4 times a day and run doubles all week...sigh). What could have possibly made me add the weight a large infant to my physique? Hmmmm...where to start. Well, on the 6 hour drive down there I stopped for Subway. I ordered my normal veggie on flatbread...and then I grabbed a bag of Cheetos AND a...Oh-hush-my-foul-mouth...POP. Then I got to St. Louis. We started with chips and dip. Then we had burgers. After burgers they took me for froyo (no red velvet, but I still loaded it with all kinds of crap).

Saturday morning, in addition to about 4 cups of Kahlua flavored coffee, Joanie made french toast and bacon. The THICK french toast. And I drank OJ. I was so stuffed. After that Joanie and I went shopping in downtown St. Charles which is this historic little town that sits on the Missouri River. There are a ton of cute little shops, including this AWESOME olive oil and balsamic vinegar shop that, well, I can't even describe it because you'd just have to see it. There are about 30 different jug-like-vats that are full of different flavored oils and vinegars. Crazy flavors. Like truffle, lemon, Tuscan, chocolate, vanilla, raspberry, mint...the list goes on! We spent quite a while in there tasting different oils and vinegars. It was by far one of the coolest places I have ever visited.

We wandered into an Irish store at one point and I saw this coffee mug I fell in love with immediately. I was thrilled to discover Joanie secretly purchased it for me and later surprised me with it once we returned home.

Isn't it great?! After living away from home since I was 18 and moving myself and my kiddos back into the house I grew up in, I find this more than appropriate! I just love it and have used it every day since she bought it for me. AND it holds almost half a pot of coffee at once!!!

We also were in this shop that upon entering appears to be a bakery/coffee shop. Joanie led me through the place, winding through a very narrow hallway and two rooms before entering a room at the back of the building that was full, from floor to ceiling, wall to wall, of bottles of HOT SAUCE!!! I think my jaw literally dropped. It was so cool. There were HUNDREDS of them; I swear! And of course they all had awesome names. We perused this place for quite a while laughing (at times loudly) at the names of some of the sauces. I eventually settled on two different kinds, 'Screamin' Sphincter' and 'Hot As Shit Hot Sauce'. We left there and went to this cute little outdoor patio restaurant where we shared a plate of nachos that were piled with all kinds of delicious toppings. Joanie LOVED the thick sliced jalapenos (hehehe). For dinner we made beer can chicken (with butter boobies), had a salad of fresh mozza, basil and romas (which Joanie drizzled with some of the flavored balsamic from that awesome little store) and baked sweet potatoes that were each the size of a freaking football. Then we watched movies.

Sunday was my last day there and for breakfast we had omelets. YUM. I don't even think we had lunch, just snacked...on homemade guac and chips!!! We then spent all day deciding on a dinner. We planned to make big-ass pork chops, red potatoes with butter and fresh minced parsley, a GRILLED salad (uh-huh, I said grilled and salad) and a blueberry goat cheese pie that sounded truly sinful. We made an epic grocery list that included all ingredients necessary for the above recipes but also had Twizzlers, ice cream and crackers (because SOMEHOW 2 sleeves of crackers disappeared. I have NO idea how that happened. I think the Puglies had something to do with it). Then we're getting ready to go to the store and decide we'd rather just watch football and go into a vegetative food-coma. So we ordered in Mexican and watched football on the 51" flat panel-OUTSIDE!!! Yep. While Joanie and I cut up veggies and mixed up the guac, John disconnected the TV and hooked it up outside on the patio. It was freaking great. Really, really great. We watched the Cards lose to the Brewers (YAY!) and then moved the TV back inside where we watched a movie, the Packers game and just relaxed. It was exactly what I needed.

OH!!! And I cannot forget to tell you all about the two trips Joanie and I made to the grocery store this last weekend. Yes. Two trips because apparently in St. Louis you shop one days worth at a time. Or maybe that is just a John and Joanie thing ;-) Anyway, the first time we went to the store and were wandering around aimlessly, chatting and deciding what other unhealthy item we HAD to buy, the store manager stopped us with a, "How YOU doin'?" and very obviously (though I wasn't watching, Joanie said it was a little gross how obvious) looked us up and down...TWICE. Then the second time we went into the store, on Sunday, I was wearing my Cutler jeresy, Joanie was in a Bears shirt, too, and some balding dude started chatting us up in the checkout line regarding the Cardinals and Rams. He looked in our cart, full of junk food, and truly sounded like he wanted an invite to our afternoon food party. It was quite hilarious. I won't even tell you about meeting their new (tattooed!) neighbor...

I had such a truly awesome time. I was able to relax. Visit with people I love. While I can't say I have a fully restored soul, I can tell you it is really the first time I have felt at ease in a while. I can't wait to visit again. I think next time I would like to bring the kids with and see the city. I hear there is a lot to see and do in St. Louis...

Thursdays With Meredith...Fantasies...

I wrote a post yesterday titled, "It's Just A Fantasy..." that I haven't yet published because, well because of a lot of reasons. Anyway, when I was perusing Grey's quotes for today's post and came across this one, it just felt right. 

"The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams." -Meredith

Moving Forward...

I never thought that any of this divorce stuff would be easy on my kids. I knew there would be many challenges. While I watch them, my youngest and oldest are doing quite well. They use their words, even at the tender ages of 3 and 5, to express their feelings about all the changes taking place in their lives. My 4 year old is having the toughest time and my heart aches every time I look at him. He gets VERY frustrated, out of nowhere, over nothing. He tells me he wants to go home, not live at Grandma's house, he is cold, cranky or tired. These are the words he uses to tell me, "Mom, this effing sucks and I don't like the way life is right now!!!". I know this. He IS learning, after a very emotional talk he and I had, to hug me when he is upset or angry instead of lashing out. I am amazed at the way he is so quickly embracing this way of dealing with his emotions. That said, his outbursts and tantrums are still a daily struggle.

Last year Ryan started preschool in January at the same school as Emma (which happens to be part of the church I attend regularly). He LOVED it. He especially took to the teachers aid, Mrs. Ransom.  The school and church are an HOUR from the house we lived in and I drove them there 3x a week because they were so incredibly happy there. Since it was preschool there weren't any boundaries as to where they could attend so it wasn't a problem. This year; however, with Emma starting kindergarten at the school near our home, I had to find a new preschool for Ryan. I decided on a school run out of the Methodist church my kids attended VBS at this past summer. I loved the teachers, the fact that they said the Pledge of Allegiance every morning and that they had a bunny rabbit as a classroom pet (I have a thing for cute little bunnies). School started the day after Ryan's 4th birthday. He HATED it. HATED it. Cried-like, the kind of cries that shook his entire body. SOBS. He clung to me, pulled on my clothes and didn't want me to leave. This was a very new experience for me. My kids had NEVER behaved like this. EVER.  Of course after the teacher pulled him off of me and got him calm and distracted with some awesome toy, he was fine and had a great time...until the next day of school where we started the whole process over again. It killed me.

So, with him having so many difficulties with the divorce, starting a new school, etc, I was extremely nervous about moving my family in with my mom. This required pulling him out of school and starting again somewhere else. The good thing is, moving in with my mom put us just 10 minutes away from the school he loved and attended last year! YAY!

I just got back from dropping him off for his first day back there. Even though he loved it and was going to have Mrs. Ransom as a teachers aid again, he was still telling me he didn't want to go. And I was a nervous wreck. I am so, so, SO happy to report that when I dropped him off today, he spotted Mrs. Ransom, ran past the new teacher, wrapped his arms around her neck and didn't even look back to say good-bye to me. I left in tears, but because I am so relieved that he FINALLY has something happening in his little life that makes his heart happy. I can't wait to pick him up and see how much fun he had today!

This is a happy day for me! One, maybe minor, success in this whole process!!!

My First Blog Hop...

So there is this really fantastic chic that writes over at The Blue Zoo . I met her through Twitter. I have met some pretty cool people through Twitter and @TheBlueZoo is one of them. She and I tweet all day about dieting, food we shouldn't be eating (like Sugar Free RedBull and turkey dogs), things we should be doing (like a 5 mile run or an hour on the elliptical), and things we cannot live without (like coffee and corny M&Ms...). So when she emailed me asking me to write a guest post on Blog Hop Monday for the Friends You Love event I was so super excited!!! And then I sat down to write and thought, "What the hell did I agree to!?" I SUCK at writing and she has A LOT of followers!!! Like, A LOT!

Plus, what the hell do I know about friendship? My husband has had the same circle of friends since about kindergarten. They had become my "friends" but now...not so much! Then I thought about someone I HAVE known my whole life. In fact, I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to meet Steph at The Blue Zoo and write on her blog if it weren't for my cousin, Kristin at Only Parent Chronicles , who made me my Twitter account under the name she refers to me as on her blog, Fave Cousin. It just so happens that she also IS my best friend (one of 2 actually, both named Kristin...weeeeeeiiiirrrrd). Anyway, now I had someone to write about!!!

So, go read my post, explore Life In A Blue Zoo, hop over to OPC to say Hi! to Kristin and spend some time today thinking about the friends you love!

She Balls Make Me Awesome...

So recently I received a phone call from a man I have known since I was probably about 7 or 8 years old. My dad met him when we first moved to IL and had started a new job here. His wife, JMK (whom I always treated me like a 'grown-up' and I love her so very dearly for that) and their 2 kids quickly became family to mine.  As a kid I spent A LOT of time at their house with my family. I don't recall what year it was, but they moved about 3 hours away at some point and we saw them less and less until eventually, as often happens, we lost track of each other.

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I thought it only right to track his friend, John, down and let him know of dad's diagnosis. We spoke occasionally after that about the truth of dad's condition, as when John would talk to my dad on the phone, there was no doubt in his mind my dad wasn't letting on the full truth of the severity and aggressiveness of his disease. I think John knew I wouldn't bullshit him. When dad's cancer eventually took his life, I think it was me that called to tell John and Joanie, but in all honesty, I don't recall too many details about what happened the week following his death. In any event, John came up for dad's service and gave a speech that moved everyone to tears.

So, what does this sad, sappy, love-filled story have to do with big, brass, balls, you ask? Well, if you knew my dad, and in particular if you watched him suffer through the cancer and not ONCE complain, you would know he had manly cajones. No doubt. Maybe stainless-steel ones at that. If you didn't know my dad, but you know a member of the Patterson clan, you are familiar with the kind of strength and courage I am referring to. We're a tough, badass bunch of m-effers because we have to be. Life hasn't always been kind to us, but like John told me last week, " Life is about taking shit . And learning how to put up with it and know you're better than that." And he's right. Life is definitely about taking shit and learning from it.


Going through the divorce process, trying to be true to myself and trying like hell to be as fair and kind as I can to my husband in the process (because I am first to admit, the last 2 months haven't been at all fair or kind to him and I think he's doing the best he can to deal, though he is currently behaving like a real ass like a man that's hurt and lashing out) is causing me to question the size, weight and chemical make-up of my female cajones. I am hurting. I have been hurting for a long time. The decision to divorce my husband alleviated a lot of that hurt I had been feeling for so long. This hurt right now is a different kind of hurt and I think unless you have been in a position like mine you can't relate. You won't understand. I really don't expect anyone to understand and as my pastor and friend recently told me, what you or anyone else thinks about me isn't my business. That said...my big brass balls have shrunk a bit. 


Knowing I have been a bit of a whiny, sissy, baby as of late, I was delightfully surprised and appreciative when my phone rang last week and I heard John's voice on the other end. Our conversation went something like this, and forgive the language, but us badass m-effers curse like truckers...ya know, cause that's what badass m-effers do and stuff.


Me: Hello?
John: What the hell is going on? Are you going soft on me? Don't go soft on me. 
Me: Well, ya know, I'm a little stressed out right now, dude! I know I'm being a whiny bitch!
John: You are hardcore. Don't lose that edge! Stay tough. 
Me: I'm trying, I'm trying. This stuff is tough, though and I feel like I am losing it!
John: I'd tell ya to grow a pair, but you've got the biggest ones on any girl I know.
Me >>>laughing boisterously<<<: OK. I'll get my shit together.


We talked for a few more minutes and then hung up. His phone call was exactly what I needed to remember where I get my strength and courage from.  And even if I don't like running in the cold, wet, wind and rain, I still have the biggest, heaviest, brassiest she-balls around, damnit.

Thursdays with Meredith...Denial...

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?" -Meredith

Thursdays With Meredith...

I am going to start something of a feature here at And So It Goes... I am a longtime fan of Grey's Anatomy and every episode I find myself loving something Meredith has said. Most of the things I love are part of her narration but not always. Anyway, at the risk of becoming what I call a "trendy blogger", I present to you, "Thursday's With Meredith". Maybe I will even start referring to it as TWM and then, like PINT with @Kristin_OPC you will all know exactly what it is. OOOHHH!!! Maybe I will go one step further and hash tag it. #TWM #WIN

Ok, I am straying. I have 2 followers and they're both going to read this and laugh. And then JMK is going to call her husband in the room and go, "Our adopted daughter is blogging not only about her love for bad tv, but her big, brass, balls again." (Yeah, I haven't mentioned those yet, but you just wait. That will be a fun post.)

So, I know it's not Thursday and I will have another post tomorrow with a different quote, but this one is just too good not to share right now. This is from last weeks episode, spoken during narration by Meredith. Sometimes I may share my thoughts on the quote (cause you all know how I like to jabber), but I think this is clear enough. I think sometimes people that don't spend a lot of time with their kids forget how they have become the breath and life of a mother's existence.

"You think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart; that will take your life and light it up or destroy it. Then you become a mother."