Cheers, bitches...

So...I started a post earlier tonight that was fueled by bullshit I never normally engage in. I'm pretty passive by nature. It's just kind of engrained in my genetics. After thinking about it some, I decided this was a much more uplifting and worth-my-effort expenditure of energy and brilliance.

So, here is a list of people and things I live for, in no particular order.

Emma Lou, thank you for being so wonderfully thoughtful, even though seldom towards me, but when you pulled grandma's garbage cans in the other day, without anyone ever asking or expecting you to, my heart melted and I knew you are learning the good I try to teach you in life. You are a sweet, sweet, girl. I love you with every fiber of my being, sweet one.

Ryan, my little terrorist. Thank you for crying the other night when I explained to you how you were scaring our new little kitten. I now know you not only have an incredible sweet spot and are not pure evil, but I also know, you are listening when mommy talks. At least sometimes and maybe when it's important. Keep being sweet. Keep listening. Keep learning. Never doubt yourself because you have so much potential. I love you with my whole heart, little man.

Logan Michael, my precious little minion. Thank you for always letting me know you're hungry. because if you didn't, I would definitely forget to feed you 3 square meals and at least 3 snacks every day. Thank you for recognizing love in it's most horrifying forms (X3). Thank you for loving me more than hot dogs. You're a close second to coffee, but I mean very close. A pubic hair away. I love you more than peanut butter on a spoon.

Sexiest Man Alive. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. For never giving me the response I want to hear, but always what I need. For being the best source of laughter, love and pure joy anyone could ever hope for. You are so important to me. I hope you know that and know how happy you make me. I truly hate your face, baby.

Mom. Thank you for always being a source of inspiration. You make me want to be a better person and never fail to remind me of where I came from and who I am. Thank you for being THE BEST grandmother any child could ever ask for. I honestly believe "Grandma" is who you were meant to be. You remind me of the 2 grandmothers I had (have) and my kids couldn't be luckier. Thank you fer keeping God in their lives. Thank you for keeping Granny in their lives. Thank you for keeping dad's memory alive in their minds. Thank you for loving me no matter how much I don't love myself at times.

All the rest of you fuckers that read my blog, support me through social media or somehow believe my life is a glorious display of folly on blast. I do appreciate your posts to my timeline, your comments on how fucking hilarious you think I am and your continued support of me fucking up my kids royally by being me. Honestly, you assholes are such gems.

Keep it classy.

"Tomorrow" is my 30th birthday. I put that in quotes because I am actually writing this on February 14th, a whole 6 months left in my 20s. I am sitting at TSMA's house after a few hours of drinking listening to him play his guitar upstairs. I am angry with my job, my life and the lack of progress I think I've made in my 29 years. I am sad because it disappoints me. I am broken because I think I disappoint my kids.

In any event, this song rings true as it always has, and especially now because, well, 29 and you'd think I'd know better, living like I do...



Time won't stand by forever if I know it's true
And I've learned not to say never
Or else I'll seem the fool
Twenty-nine you'd think I'd know better
Living like a kid
When my lies may seem less than clever
Is when I fall for it
Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
Forgotten memories
Some rides don't have much of a finish
That's the ride I took
Through good and bad and straight through indifference
Without a second look
There's no intentions worthy of mention
If we never try
So hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges
Take 'em for a ride
Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
Forgotten memories
Only time will tell...