TWM...Knowing Yourself...

"It might be hard for a surgeon to admit, but there's no shame in simply being human. It can be a relief to stop hiding, to accept who you really are and let the world see you that way, too. A little self awareness never hurt anybody. Because when you know who you are its easier to know what you're about and ultimately, what you really need." -Meredith

"When you know who you are its easier to know what you're about and ultimately, what you really need."...well isn't that EXACTLY what I've been saying the last year or so???

Do WHAT?...

There have been so many songs I've wished a man would either write about me or a man would profess his love for me through because while my sheballs are big and steel and awesome, I still posess a uterus and all the hormones that come along with it (ie; I've birthed 3 children and I weep like a 12 year old girl from time to time). Sadly, I've never been blessed enough to live with a musician that wasn't a self absorbed sibling. And I had one man for 10 of my 28years. He never professed his lyrical love of my awesomeness. Then I met a man that did. While he and I are no longer together, this was one of the last heart felt things he sent to me. It's amazingly poetic and so appreciated by me. I hope you find the happiness in it that I did.

Now like a bird
She flew away
To chase her dreams
Of books and praise
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she's gone
At JFK
Who played the fool?
Self pitty sick
Jet fuel perfume
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she's gone
Girl I want to die with you
In each others arms
We'll drown in flame
If this time were the last time
Could i hold you all life long?
Since this time is the last time
Can I hold you all night long?
Lay your head down for the last time
Do you still love me?
Still I miss her
Yeah I miss her
Since she's gone
And yes, Dad. My sheballs are present...hormonally swollen, but still here. So fuck off and I love youl

TWM...Not Settling...

When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle, it's funny isn't it?...a weight lifts, the sun shines a little brighter...and for a brief moment at least, we find a little peace. -Meredith

I'm Tired of Coming Up With Titles That I Think Generally Suck Anyway So Have Fun With This AWESOME Post Where I Say Something Mildly Smart...

Relationships take work. At least that's what I'm told. And I do believe it...to some extent. I would agree that in order to make any relationship work (whether it be a friendship, relationship with a co-worker or one in a potential spouse), there must be compromise, understanding and the abilty to just let some things go. In order for a relationship with a spousal-type-person to work, however, there has to be an undying love present. Something where at the end of the day it just doesn't matter who is right or wrong.. Something where the love out weighs the stubborness and pride and those things are replaced with understanding and respect. I think when a relationship reaches a point where that scale is tipping the other way, its time to re-evaluate. A relationship shouldn't be in a state of constant stress. It shouldn't be THAT much work.

I came home today and there was little trace that you'd ever even existed as a part of my life. Your shelf was cleaned out in the closet. All the piles of your laundry were missing from the stacks that were scattered on the floor. No one would ever notice, but I knew they were gone. There's an empty spot on the top shelf of my closet where your Guitar Hero instruments had sat. I walked into the bathroom and the drawer that had your toothbrush, hair product and cologne were gone. Seeing your things gone struck me in a way that made me inhale and quickly catch my breath. In that moment I caught a whiff of your cologne. And it made my heart hurt. I walked back into my bedroom and looked around. I saw my robe laying on my bed, just as I'd left it. I looked at it and wondered if you'd even picked it up to smell the collar, which I know holds the scent of my shampoo and perfume, or was exiting my life easy for you? I looked at my pillow hoping you'd left whatever tshirt you'd been wearing when you cleared your things from my home so that I could sleep in it. Smell it. Close my eyes and imagine you here. But you hadn't. Suddenly I felt so exhausted, alone and vulnerable. I unzipped my jeans, slid them off and grabbed a blanket off the couch. I buried my face into a pillow and slept for three hours this afternoon, in a ball, on my couch. When I awoke it was dark outside and as I blinked the distorted figures around me into focus, I found myself looking for you.

This isn't easy for me. I know it's right, right now, but it certainly isn't easy. And I hope it isn't as easy for you as you make it look. To think I meant anything less than everything to you after all you said breaks my heart. I hope, too, that if we do come to be again in the future, that we can be the best versions of ourselves for each other.

I just saw your key laying by the door. The exhaustion I felt earlier is back. My body aches and the last thing I want to do is crawl into my bed without you tonight. I feel like you don't even notice I'm missing.