I really haven't had anything inspiring to write about lately. It's that time of year again where I tend to get quiet and withdraw from life. I thought things had started to look up and I was getting to a place where I was starting to feel that the last few years of struggles, emotional, financial and otherwise, were finally evening out. Lately it seems like everything I thought was becoming stable has been tossed into the wind like a handful of glitter at a strip club.
I started wondering how much of this is in my control, and what's frustrating to see is that pretty much NONE of it is. All I seem to have control over is how I respond to it all. While I am trying to be graceful and accepting, I think I'm failing miserably. Instead of smiling and continuing to perservere, I feel discouraged and unappreciated. The fucked-up-stupid part of it all, is that this is the case in every aspect of my life right now; work, my kids, home, the (as I will so lovingly refer to him here, hoping if he reads this it will only bring a grin to his face) Fucking Retard I have been seeing...all of it in places I didn't want to be.
One thing that has kept me from eating a bullet the last week is something a co-worker said to me. He and I have had our differences, but we've landed in a place of respect that I am grateful for. What he reminded me of is that sometimes you have to take a step back in order to clear the path to move forward. And he's right. It's something I've always believed, but stated as simply as that is exactly what I needed to hear.
I'm hoping that with the transition into my favorite time of year where the days are longer, the sun is warmer and the pallet of colors more diverse and vivid, I will find all the aspects of my life I've grown frustrated with begin to mirror those changes.
Until then? I'll be thanking God daily for all the blessings He does give me...the most important of which being tequila, naturally.
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