I have never been a strong writer. I say what I'm thinking and rarely filter any of it. I am rash, generally judgmental and I only get dumber as I get older. I have trouble putting my thoughts into strong sentences let alone paragraphs. I started this blog because I was alone with my thoughts all too much. My husband worked 6 days a week, 17 hours a day and often didn't come home at night at all. Recently the business he has worked for the last 6 years closed it's doors due to financial struggles. This leaves him trying to hit the ground running and start the life-long goal of becoming self employed. This also means we are in a very dire financial situation and stuck with many decisions to make.
Do we try to sell our home for what we owe (more than it is worth, for sure) or do we simply default on the loan, which is inevitable even with his unemployment (should the check ever arrive)?
What do we do for insurance for our kids, 2 of which have medical conditions which require monitoring of with ECG's (at least once a year for each)? We would put them on state aid, but will that require them to switch to an in-state hospital? I can't do that...CHW has seen me and my family through 2 kids with heart issues, NICU, 2 surgeries, PICU and all follow up care. CHW is our family and I would go in debt the rest of my life to keep them with the doctors that made life at all possible for them.
What do we do about the strain this puts on our marriage??? Our relationship is one that is built to stand the test of time and trust me, God is taking every opportunity to test us. We have made it through more life struggles in our almost 10 years together than many couples face over the life of their relationship. I think we have grown to the point of knowing each other is in it for the long run, come hell or high water. And we have seen both. What we cannot seem to sort out is a) communication and total honesty. (For me this isn't difficult to do, but for him it appears impossible) and b) my inability to accept his mother for her Schindler's list of character flaws (uh, duh! I have kids she wants to influence!) and his inability to ever see my concerns as genuine due to the fact that his mother and I have our share of history.
I guess we will see what God has in store for us as the next weeks and months unfold. In the meantime I suppose I am left with a lot of time to reflect, pray and contemplate my sanity. Not to mention more sleeplessness than I already deal with as a mother of 3 young kids and husband whose snore could challenge the rumbles of Mt. Vesuvius.
Don't know what to say, other than you know who to come to for help. You will always be in my prayers. Remain open to things. You never know what will come your way.
ReplyDeleteI love you.