It's A Matter Of Trust...

Have you ever had one of those days where you are so exhausted with life that you don't know whether or not in the next moment you will bust into a spurt of uncontrollable laughter or a pathetic ball of sobbing tears? Yes, that is a fucking rhetorical question. Of course you have. If not, then I can safely assume you've been in a coma since you were about 9 years old.

I hate February. If you want to know why, read Is It April Yet? I always make it through, mostly. I lose a few more pieces along the way and at the same time fill voids I didn't know existed. I guess I do that by allowing myself to finally feel and heal. What's different this time around is that while I am under a lot more life stress than usual with the 2 new jobs, the divorce and now all 3 kids in school...not to mention living with my brother whom refuses to even acknowledge my existence...I now have a much stronger support team in my life than I ever had in the previous years.

I miss the shit out of my dad. Every fucking day. He was my best friend. We shared everything and yet, the day he died we had so many unresolved issues between us...

We had a song or to, as most daddy/daughter relationships do. One of them was the song he chose to dance to with me on my wedding day (which, ironically, happens to be the song that played the moment I gained the courage necessary to follow through with leaving my husband). The other is a Billy Joel song, yes, Vagmate, go figure, right? Anyway, I really didn't want to bore you with another long set of song lyrics, so here's my favorite verse that Dad always use to squeeze my hand at when it played. You can clicky-the-linky-thingy if you want to hear the whole song, which may or may  not work. I can't figure this fucking thing out right now.

I know you're an emotional girl 
It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world  
I can't offer you proof  
But you're going to face a moment of truth  
It's hard when you're always afraid  
You just recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart of you must, It's a matter of trust

Happy fucking February, bitches. Thanks for sticking with me.