TWM...Easing the Pain...

"We're always looking for ways to ease the pain. Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have. Sometimes its by losing ourselves in the moment. And sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce." -Meredith

I honestly couldn't have found a more perfect quote for today's TWM post. All I am doing right now is trying to ease the pain. I know being that its February, one may assume the pain is related to that, what this month leads up to for me, for my family. It isn't, though. Right now its more about wanting what I can't have. Normally, I would find a way to get it. I'm stubborn, ornery and refuse to be told what I can and cannot have or do. I am struggling to come to a conclusion of what the right answer is on this particular subject and what I have to do to get what it is I am fairly certain I want. And to do it without leaving myself vulnerable, because, well, fuck THAT. I'm not ready to put all of myself out there only to be hurt. It took years of emotional abuse and suffering to build these walls. I won't let them down for just anything. Or just anyone.

So I guess right now that is what I am trying to do. I am trying to ease the pain of what having those huge walls is causing me not to allow myself to feel. I am making the best of what I have with the mental and emotional tools I have to work with. I am beginning to occasionally allow myself to be lost in the moment. I think that's all I can do to keep myself from drowning right now.