Even though you already know, I thought I'd let you know...

"You don't have to go to sleep, honey. I know you're a night owl."

Huh?

"You don't have to sleep now just because I am."

I know. I'm tired though.

...ten minutes go by and I'm out of bed, he's snoring and I'm blogging.

TSMA has asked me many times, but most recently a week or so ago, why I am so "into" him. 'I don't know, you're fucking retarded', is the answer I most often give. Him asking and that not being a sufficient enough answer (though, I really don't understand why it's not. Given my history with men, I would think it would be taken as a compliment, but WHATEVER), I actually started thinking about it and have began listing the reasons in my mental log of All Things Awesome (that's right, Kev. You've become part of The Awesome).

I believe if I were to start listing these things, however, he would find massive errors and reason to complain about the things I deem as admirable qualities. He is mildly egotistical, though beautifully humble. But he knows that.

He is wonderfully hilarious and depressingly realistic. But he knows that.

He is comfortably reasonable, but irrational. But he knows that.

He's a phenomonal listener and reciprocates appropriately, but he knows that.

He is a compassionate dad that encourages and coaches and supports his kids with a love I know all too well. I know he knows that because it's why he lives and breathes.

He's conservativly passionate and desires to please...and I'm betting he knows that, too.

He is specifically observant and willing to adjust his almost stone-set ways, but he knows that.

He's warm. The kind of warm that warrants a warning label stating he is not resposible for items within 10 feet of him combusting. I'm pretty certain he knows that.

He's handsome and charming and thrills me with his simple smile and signature chuckle. He defintely knows that.

He is my biggest fan. More than anyone I have ever known in my life, he wants me to succeed and provides all the necessary feedback and encouragment to give me, my biggest critic, reason to believe I can. He definitely knows that. He tells me so all the time.

He sometimes looks at me in that way one does when they're happy with the simple fact that you're a part of their life. I know he already knows that. It's again something he verbalizes to me often.

So, you see...there just isn't a list of things I can give him because I think that the reason behind the question is to hear things you aren't already aware of yourself. I mean...that's why I would ask. So...I started thinking of those things, you know, paying closer attention to the mental dialogue I somewhat subconciously run when I am with him...trying to create some sort of list of validating character traits I am falling stupidly for that may be worthy of his reading because I possibly found a few things this Stark-like ego doesn't already know about.

My entire life, when falling asleep, I have always rubbed my foot against the sheets. I never realized I was doing it until my ex-husband so callously pointed out to me that I was going to wear a hole in the sheets with my habitual bedtime ritual. I became aware, from that point on, of the fact that I even did this rhythmic dance every night. I think I have once, since sharing a bed with TSMA, gone through this previously needed action. I would be shocked if he knew the signficance it once was or the necessary peace of mind it once brought me. Since knowing him, it's disappeared.

I know it seems vague and insignifcant. I think the men in my life that are familiar with the annoyance of it will find it's disappearance a God given miracle and the fact that I can pin point that, even more signifcant.

So, sweet man of mine, I'm sorry I don't have a long, beautiful list of reasons I adore you. I know I feel the reasons, my abilty to express them sucks because I cannot verbalize my thoughts with any sort of elegance or grace. And I really don't know that you want to hear me stroke your ego for things you already know you do and are. Maybe I'm wrong, though, because sometimes I need to hear those kinds of things about myself.

Oh, and I look amazing in just his Hawks jersey...I'm certain he's well aware of that little fact, though...

In any event, honey, I'm happy I know you, too.