Stoner-Fuck: Welcome to Taco Bell!!! What can I get for you tonight?
Me, looking at the clock thinking he had the time wrong when he said 'tonight', because usually it's well after mindnight when I visit a Taco Bell. Realizing it was only 11pm and after a very pregnant pause I responed with a...: UUUUUUMMMMMM...(I was shouting because I had my radio a little too louder than Taco-Bell ettiquette allows..)...CAN I...
Stoner-Fuck: MA'AM, CAN YOU TURN YOUR RADIO DOWN, PLEASE, SO I CAN ASSIST YOU BETTER?
Me: YES!!! (I then reduced the volume)...I'm sorry, but did you just address me as "ma'am"?
Stoner-Fuck: Yes, ma'am, I did.
Me: Ok. I was just asking. UUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM....may I please have a nachos bell grande, a cheesy gordita cruch and a water, please? (Yes I said 'please' twice because I am polite as fuck and I felt badly about the whole radio thing. Anyway...)
>>>>stoner fuck then proceeded to ask me 869,543 questions I was not ready to answer.<<<<<
Stoner Fuck: "Would you like one of those as a combo deal?
Me: UUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM...Yes???
Stoner Fuck: Well it will save you thirty eight and a half cents, ma'am.
Me: Oh!!! Well, in that case yes, I'd like 2 please.
Stoner Fuck: Two which, ma'am?
Me: 2 of the...I don't know, could Ijust have a nachos bell grande, a cheesy gordita crunch and a water please?
Stoner Fuck: What kind of taco would you like with that nachos bell grande? Hard or soft?
Me, giggling like a 13 yo girl: Oh I want it hard...please... AND THANK YOU.
Stoner Fuck: Very well, ma'am. Now, would you like that as a Doritos taco or a corn shell?
Me: UUUUUUUUMMMMMM...Doritos, please. (As if there should even be another option)
Stoner Fuck: Would you like that Doriotos taco nacho cheese or cool ranch?
Me: UUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM....nacho cheese, please! (que giggloe becuase, well, cheese and please rhyme)
Stoner Fuck: Ok, thank you, ma'am. Your total is >insert some ridiculously absurd number that no one should ever pay for drive thru anything<. Please pull ahead to the window.
I pull ahead to the designated window, assuming to throw this little shit pile kid that keeps calling me 'ma'am' a wad of singles, flash him my brilliant smile, ask for fire sauce and go about my happy, buzzed way home. But noooooooo....Stoner Fuck had other plans in mind...
Stoner Fuck: Hello, ma' (stops mid sentence upon viewing the timeless beauty that is my face), Miss. Hello, Miss.
Me: Well hello, Stoner Fuck. (Ok. I didn't actually call him that at this point, but I would have considered it if I weren't suddenly craving fucking nachos bell grande like a pregnant woman may)
Stoner Fuck: Now, with this water...would you like bottle or a cup?
Me: (TSMA sized eye roll) A cup is phenomonal. Please and also...thank you.
Stoner Fuck: Would you like any sauces with this, Miss?
Me: (UUUUUUMMMMMM...not the sauce you're wanting to fill my taco with but...)...yes,,,fire, please.
Stoner Fuck, handing me a bag: There you are, Miss. Please have a wonderful night.
Me, weighing the single bag in my hand: Thank you, you as well...is my nachos bell grande in here??
Stoner Fuck: Yes, miss, it is.
Me: Fabulous. You have a fantastice evening.
Stoner Fuck: Thank you. You, too.
After I got home and began examining the contents of my Taco Bell goodies, I discovered that SStoner Fuck did not give me any God damned fire sauce. I got over that pretty quickly but after devouring my Doritos taco I pulled out the nachos to start on that and this is what I saw:
Can someone please tell me what the shit this is??? I fucking said nachos bell GRANDE. Where the fuck are my tomatoes and shit??? There is nothing fucking grand about this shit excuse of a fast food mexican dish (although, really, I think nachos are an American creation, but I could be wrong). Next time I will be checking my purchase before driving away, you Polite And Possibly Retarded, Stoner Fuck.
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