The whole #Metoo thing...kinda making me crazy. For a lot of reasons and some I cannot explain. Ok, I'm going on whim...

My first experience with sexual abuse happened at 9. I thought I may tell you about all the good times I had leading up to this, but in hindsight, there are few that matter and more problems have been caused by that one act than I can remember that were good before then.

I thought for a long while "that one act", was my telling my parents what happened to me. Telling my daddy what his father did to me.

The moment in my life I decided I wanted to hang out with my Papa and watch horse races (he was an avid member of the community and they were into that and I was 9 and into horses)...it was my younger cousins birthday..,.November....THAT decision changed my entire life. I chose to hang out with my Papa and watch horse races on his little TV in the basement. I sat on his lap, as I had every time I saw him, those 9 years on my life. This day was different. This day I sat on his lap to flip through the horse magazines, cut out the pictures of the Arabians and Palaminos. This day, he chose to put his hands on my nine year old body in ways a man puts his hands on his wife. He touched and rubbed my 9 year old crotch. He put his hands up my shirt. I was so terrified I couldn't...move. This was MY papa.

Fast forward to my teenage years. Dated someone I didn't like a lot. He decided he liked me enough to have sex with my drunken corpse, in a room where my best friend was present, and his mother walked in. Nobody cared.

Lets move forward, I marry a man, have 3 kids with him. We decide to divorce. All is amicable. I start dating a man I like, go to a club without him. Get turned down at the bar asking to pay for drinks...guy steps in, gets served immediately, by the scanilty clad bartender. My friend and I give one another a look, because were being passed over for the guy with iron biceps when we are flashing cash. "Guy" sees our disdain, buys us drinks. Guy priceeds upon me, we dance, music is flowing, best friend is with us. He pushes her to his friend, "wingman", who she dances with and is having fun doing so. "Guy" decides it would be appropriate to put his hands down my pants ans put his fingers inside me. I shoved and elbow in his gut and slammed my foot into the crown of his.